Piste Off: Former Sochi Residents React to Costas.

SOCHI—Unrest continues this week as thousands of recently displaced Sochi residents protest the unfair comments NBC sports announcer Bob Costas made about slopestyle skiing and snowboarding’s introduction to the Olympics.

Costas referred to the new events as “Jackass stuff,” referring to the popular television and movie franchise involving public pranks during an interview with NBC host Matt Lauer. According to sources,  when the news hit the forced relocation communities outside Sochi’s Olympic Village, “all hell broke loose.”

“I just can’t believe the ignorance of mainstream corporate media,” says former Sochi resident Viktor Olikov. “I was so excited to see slopestyle in the Olympics that I let them bulldoze my house. But now I’m thinking Tanner Hall was right when he said that skiing doesn’t belong in the hands of these NBC types.

Olikov previously lived in a two story home with his family for nearly a decade before being tapped for relocation. A removable curling arena now sits atop the site of his former home.

“I had no troubles leaving my home on short notice, I knew it was my part to bring slopestyle into the mainstream. It’s nothing compared to the sacrifices made by the people who pioneered freeskiing and snowboarding to today’s levels. Just think how far the sport has progressed. We don’t need idiots like Costas ruining all of that.”

His new home sits in the middle of a government funded neighborhood of prefabricated homes known as the “undesirable cluster” in Olympic Jargon. The gray homes have blossomed with a rainbow of colors recently, spray-painted with anti-Costas slogans such as “Costas Skis In Jeans,” or “Bulldoze the home of Costas!”

In another part of the Sochi region, just outside the Olympic Village, protesters have massed in makeshift camps, living under tarps and inside of cardboard boxes while protesting the comments made by Costas.

“The government spent $51 billion on the games, but forgot to account for the relocation,” admits former Sochi Resident Sasha Korvina. “Homelessness is a small price to pay when so many people have worked so hard for slopestyle to be here. It’s completely unfair for Costas to dismiss people’s sacrifices on the snow as something out of the juvenile TV show Jackass.”

According to one source, whose identity has been protected due to Russia’s draconian Anti-Gay laws, Russia’s LGBT population is also “incredibly” upset by the comments made by Costas.

“Costas is showcasing his incredibly narrow-minded viewpoint on skiing. It’s still skiing, no matter how you look at it. Aerials, moguls, racing, half pipe; skiing is still skiing. I just wish Costas was more open minded about the way people ski. It’s not a choice, it’s what people are born to do.”

There is a sliver of hope for Sochi though, it’s been announced that long time ski contest announcer Luke Van Valin will be announcing Slope Style events. According to Olikov, Van Valin “truly understands slopestyle and it’s plight for international legitimacy.”

“I know Van Valin will bring some sanity to these Olympics,” says Olikov. “And that’s something we all need.”

**Piste Off is Bomb Snow’s new weekly satire column aimed at poking fun at the sports we all love. Bomb Snow’s “Piste Off” is a fictionalized, satirical publication. Its content should in no way be interpreted as an actual record of events. These stories are also not intended to be, nor should they be construed as, attempts to predict the future course of any individual or entity, but should be viewed only as parody. Piste Off is not associated with any other news service. Names used in “Piste Off” stories, unless those of public figures or entities, are fictional, and any resemblance to actual persons or entities is coincidental, unintentional, and accidental. Any event described in Bomb Snow’s “Piste Off” that actually comes to pass should also be considered coincidental, unintentional, and accidental.

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